The Fake Sound of Progress

Change is a myth, the belief that the world is headed in any direction at all is a false one. We seem almost destined to repeat our mistakes, despite the pretension that we have somehow learned from the past... Apathy is as widespread as it has ever been. No one cares about anything that has happened outside of their own experience, let alone if it was thousands of years ago... with technology these days, those people might as well have not existed. We often fail to learn from our own experience, occasionaly as the result of an almost childlike idealism and faith in the belief that people can change... For example, in unrequited love... if a romantic interest doesn't immediately take to you, how often do we hope against hope that they will eventually come around, and see us for the sterling knights and stunning maidens that we all already know ourselves to be. How many people remain trapped in unfulfilling and parasitic relationships with the tenacious hope 'one day he/she will change...' I bring this up, of course, because I am seeing it happen once again to one of my long time friends. He has been through this exact situation already and seen it blow up in his face several times, dragging us all through a most unpleasent experience. At least back then, he actually got to date the girl... Rather than disgrace the internet with yet another scandalous story, I will simply mention that he has found himself a new girl to take advantage of him. He is by all accounts a complete slave to her, consuming lavish amounts of time and money to fulfill her every wish, and in return, he is denied the perogative of dating her (she really needs him as a friend right now) and occasionally experiences some dramatically irratic behaviour (e.g. "I never want to see you again!") They keep 'breaking up,' only to eventually get back together... Our friendship has already been irrevocably altered when I 'turned against her' after the first time she left him high and dry. Several misadventures later, they are back at it again. At first, wary of our (his roomates')collective derision, they kept it hidden. Today, things are back out in the open. Things don't always change... but why does it have to be the things that hold us back that we are incapable of escaping?

As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly. -Proverbs 26:11

Some Lyrics I thought of the other day

Dead Poetic

The Glass in the Trees

don't want to come back here, to this place.
It's a cold that only comes from blaming yourself for two decades wasted.
And I don't want to come back here, to this place.
When it all just repeats in my head again, and I cannot stop it.

And the glass in the trees, and all you left here, Reflects everything that I missed.

And the pavement is still warm from the tires.
I can still feel the fright that the night brings.
Every song that you'd sing.
And I won't ever come back here to this place.
All I ever do is picture you smiling, and then picture you leaving.

And the glass in the trees, and all you left here, Reflects everything that I missed.

Slow down.I'll try and make it up to you.
They've cut down the trees to try to forget you.
But I took a vow to never forget you.
If you're still here, then we're waiting.
We'll wait for you to come back home to the broken little foes.
Until the guilt grows and grows.
When the time that's wasted comes back to haunt me.
And I'll deserve every bit. because I'm not spiritual yet.
I'm just reading the lines they gave me from the pulpit.
And it's not fading off, we remember the years.
As we sift through the laughter to find all the tears.
And I'm not worthy of grievance, I did nothing to prevent this.
And standing at your grave, I could have caused this.

God save the outcasts

So last night I was amazed once more by the gross negligence and disregard for other people that seems to occur everywhere I go in this place... So I went to ward prayer by myself, because my roomates didn't want to go. I walk in and some of their friends waved to me so I decided that I could stand next to them, even though they didn't talk to me. So I am standing there, when this girl that I had previously quite possibly thought that I might have had a thing for and tried to get her attention by the composition of a lavishly friendly gesture that ultimately failed came and stood next to me. Like the other 'friends,' she seemed to talk to everyone around me and then to no one at all, seemingly making a point to ignore me... ok whatever I think to myself. Then she moves in front of me with her back turned, in effect closing me off in a corner from the rest of the room. That was the final straw... There was no way that I was going to put up with that, so I had to think of a way to get her attention. Nothing more polite availed me, since she wouldn't turn so much as to look at me, so I poked her... nothing. Now what? So I poked her again, somewhat more forcefully. Finally she responded and turned around. We then finally had the conversation that people who pretend to be friends must have (like for instance... who are you? and what do you do?) which was somewhat awkward (like we somehow have always managed to do everytime we have talked, leading me to think that obviously this is not meant to be). Quickly enough more interesting people showed up and she moved on to better things, leaving me once more to my own devices. Looking around, I noticed that once more I was the only one not talking to anyone else, and emboldened by my previous antics, I decided to force others of my 'friends' to talk to me about nothing. All in all it was an interesting evening, reinforcing everything I have come to believe about friends of convenience and my inherent lack of ability to escape the role of outcast.

So now I am no longer the last in my family to start up a blog... no matter how lame it is. Not many are sure to see this, so it is not likely to come back and hurt my street cred. Let the games begin!